so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
