I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
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Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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