If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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