come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
