I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
my poor anus
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
