oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
