My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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