if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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