I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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