Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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