I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
