Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
