There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
