I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
