I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
