So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
