I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
