i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
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If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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