I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.