Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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