As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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