that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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