A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
