that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My balls are so social today.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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