the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
