If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
