Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
