I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
