She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
