Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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