FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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