You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.