She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?