I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.