do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
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I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice