what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger