Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
