I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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