Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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