I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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