its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
