i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
