I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
