tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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