I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
