ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
