It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
