Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
