hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
