I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
