I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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