i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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