it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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