Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
