She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
