...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
as a side note pls kill me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
