Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
