Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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