im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
