somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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