Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Houston, we have a blender
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
