She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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