new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
