that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
there is glitter all over my balls
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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