Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
