I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
