party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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