her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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