You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?