You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
