Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."