I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.