so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
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What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???