Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............