Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...